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Post by JC on Apr 25, 2010 9:28:01 GMT -5
My dad called me last night from his hospital room just sobbing. It really broke my heart. My dad is a big manly burly man and to hear him sobbing on the phone just killed me. I can't even begin to explain how painful this is to watch. I don't have any new updates. I can't help but look to you ladies for support because you are all so positive and have a firm grasp on how to handle difficult situations. I'm really down on my luck lately with life and I appreciate you all for keeping me from falling into the "poor me" rut. I am really struggling to find meaning out of all of this. I'm struggling to keep my head up and charge forward. My grades have gone down the toilet, my semester is just destroyed and I feel like I'm slowly watching my career go down the drain. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I feel so defeated.
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 25, 2010 9:41:27 GMT -5
Sweetie, you'll never find any meaning, there isn't one. I think it's just life and the crap it throws at you. As for school and your career, it may take a little longer because of what you've been through recently, but you WILL get there cos I know how determined you are. Have you spoken to your advisor? Please tell me you've spoken to someone to talk it all over. There will be help available. Is there tutor you get on well with you can talk to? Don't try and deal with all this on your own, k?
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Post by KSA on Apr 25, 2010 18:17:50 GMT -5
I think one day I am going to get in my car and drive to DC to give you a big HUGE! You have been thru so much! My grandpa passed on too early and I wish I would have been able to have the relationship that you do with yours. All of this has to be hitting you so HARD! Remember you are AMAZING and you grand father and all of us know that. Chin up dear you can make it thru all this and I am here if you need anything! We need a girls getaway.....I hope soon:)
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 26, 2010 10:07:10 GMT -5
Let's all meet up in Maine!
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Post by JC on Apr 27, 2010 6:51:09 GMT -5
I love you guys so much! I am all for escaping to Maine although I don't think I'll ever come back haha. As far as the counseling, I have been seeing this counselor on campus every friday. Although it's nice to have someone to talk to, I don't think a psychology grad student is enough help for me. She seems to have no idea how to help me. She's a sweet girl and she really cares, but I know I need to find someone else. I'm going to look to see who I can see through my health insurance, I just have a lot of obstacles with not having a car and crap. It's not exactly easy for me to get to these things On a side note, my Grandpa is still the same. Still in the hospital, still recovering. From what I gather from diluted news I get is that he may be septic. Nobody has used that word with me but from what they tell me, that's what it sounds like. And Keri, I think you are right about my relationship with him. I am very thankful for the time I have had with him and the strong relationship we have. He has taught me so much! Feel free to drive to DC! haha I could use some hugs. I'm flying to california the day I'm done with finals, May 20th. Hopefully things will be more clear then. For now, I'm trying to at least pass this semester with minimal consequence. Did I mention that I love you guys!?!??
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 27, 2010 12:56:51 GMT -5
We love you too! When I mentioned seeing someone at uni, I meant more of an academic advisor who you can talk to, and hopefully get some reassurance about where you stand with your grades/exams etc. They have to take all you've been through into consideration!
On the holiday note, I have two weeks booked off end July/beginning Aug so if you girls plan anything make sure you let me know!!!!!! Anyone fancy a Greek island??
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Post by JC on Apr 28, 2010 18:04:05 GMT -5
My dad called me today and said that my Grandpa is now in kidney failure. Tonight my dad, my aunt, and my grandpa's wife have to make an important decision reguarding what to do. I may have to fly home soon. THere's so much going on right now. I'm scared of what to do with my exams at school, will my professors be understanding, I can't even formulate thoughts right now. I don't know what to do.
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Post by Karen on Apr 28, 2010 18:09:24 GMT -5
Take care of family first, then figure out school. Can you give your professors a head's up email that you may need to leave on short notice and you'd appreciate their understanding? That way, if/when you have to leave, they aren't caught off guard.
In the meantime, sending you hugs!
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Post by JC on Apr 29, 2010 3:12:41 GMT -5
I talked to my Aunt. They have decided to take him off the ventilator tonight. She discussed his living will and testament to me which specifically says he did not want to be kept alive like this. I respect the decision to end all of this. He would not have wanted it. I am getting on an airplane in 3 hours and will be there for a little over a week. I don't know how long he's expected to live off the life support. I shot an email to all of my professors. I'm not too concerned about them right now. My main priority is to be with family. This has been so damn tough. I really really appreciate you guys being so wonderful though this. I will pop in and out to say hi.
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Post by Karen on Apr 29, 2010 6:28:40 GMT -5
Aw, hun, I'm so sorry.
Safe travels. I hope you have a chance to see him and say goodbye.
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Post by hellsbells on Apr 29, 2010 13:51:01 GMT -5
Huge big hugs babe. School will still be there xxx
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Post by cherry on Apr 29, 2010 17:30:30 GMT -5
I'm sorry I've only just caught up with all of this. The love between you and your grandfather is heartwarming and that is what will endure. I look at that picture of you guys hugging and it says so much to me about love, soothes the pain of my regrets about my grandfather's early death. School can and will wait, you have truly been through the ringer this semester. Please don't feel like you've fallen at the last hurdle, I know people would have dropped school long before, and such an involved subject too. You've always been a little light to me, someone who keeps smiling always. You will find a way. And if you can't look up, look within to find the peace that will carry you through this painful time. You know we all love you, and I'm so sorry you're saying goodbye to your grandfather. But I'm glad you can be there with your family.
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Post by pamelaj on Apr 30, 2010 6:22:23 GMT -5
Im sorry to hear this Jenaya........Grandpa's are very special people with so much love to give. Please keep us posted and we are all here for you. I hope your flight was well. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
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Post by JC on Apr 30, 2010 9:53:26 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I made it to California in time to say goodbye. He passed away yesterday afternoon.
It was really tough seeing him suffering the way he was. I know this was the best decision. He did not last long without the respirator which is a good indicator at how sick he was. I will miss him dearly. I have been doing ok despite the loss. I'm just really sad.
Thank you again for all the support.
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Post by KSA on Apr 30, 2010 10:39:53 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear he passed away. My thoughts are with you and your family. If you need anything or a ear to cry to give me a ring honey. xoxoxoxo
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