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Post by hellsbells on Aug 17, 2011 16:53:50 GMT -5
My therapy has taught me that not telling people how mad they make me is destructive too. You just gotta find the right, dignified way of saying it.
Or sometimes just let rip.
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Post by alivenkicking on Aug 18, 2011 8:59:46 GMT -5
and for what it's worth, MY therapist says that you can't *not* share your feelings in any significant relationship simply out of fear of hurting them. the best thing you can do is say how you feel, and let the chips fall where they may. you can't know how this is going to work out, but trust that it will. it is sucking your life energy, she has already taken too much from you!!
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Post by JC on Aug 18, 2011 9:46:11 GMT -5
My mom always says, "You teach people how you want to be treated."
She's so wise ;D
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Post by KSA on Aug 18, 2011 23:25:24 GMT -5
Oh wow Jess all this with a friend is making me think back on the bad friends I had to weed out of my life. You gotta just let go we are always here I know cyber friends are different but we listen. I have used the ignore technique with people that are not in my life for whatever reason. I call it the Keri Ignore literally I pretend like the person is invisible and they really do end up not being there to me. At a party one night a girl I don't care for sat one person away and I did not even know til I saw pictures. It works lol. I have been hurt but focus on the goodies its how I get thru it. I love my girls now and not sure how I managed withouth them.
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Post by jessabug on Aug 19, 2011 0:36:15 GMT -5
You are so right Keri. I feel like especially now, since I'm only just embarking on this journey, I've done a lot of purging of friendships. I swear, three months ago, I had plenty of friends. Now I have one (and we are just barely becoming friends so I'm not sure she even counts just yet) -- all by choice. I know it probably isn't healthy right now but I've just stopped talking to everyone I used to talk to all the time. Part of me resents them because I feel like suddenly the goggles came off and I realized that I was surrounded by self-centered people that deep down I didn't even like. Right now I really don't know what I would do without you girls, because you really are my lifeline. I feel like you keep my chin up when it starts to fall down and I'm so grateful for that. I feel like I can come to you and be honest about how I'm feeling and not feel ashamed. I think that's the hard part for me.. finding people in real life who I feel like I can trust to be there for me. I'm sure that in a while I'll pull out of this and decide to just stop expecting to find people who actually genuinely give a sh*t, but these few months I've felt so high & mighty that I'm not ready to hop down from my fantasy yet. It seems like, sure, you can have as many friends as you want as long as you're always happy and fine. Once I'm ready to go back to pretending like I'm happy and fine, I'll start working on friendships again, but right now I just need to take a break and for once address the emotions that are deep down inside.
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Post by JC on Aug 19, 2011 8:47:29 GMT -5
You know, the true friends are the ones you aren't afraid to show your bad side to. They are the ones worth your time and trouble. I had the same thing happen to me. When I'm happy and friendly I have 100s of friends. When I got sick this past year, I have like 5 friends. It took me a while but I'm OK with it now. When you realize how much those core friends really love you and would do anything for you, it's very easy to forget the superficial friends you had before. I'm still cordial to all of them, but I love and appreciate my core friends so much more and I spend a lot more of my energy on them. It hurts when you think someone is a friend and they stop talking to you when you get sick. I mentioned this girl before but I had a friend who I thought was a close friend and she literally disappeared when I started talking about my health a lot and just barely resurfaced again recently now that I'm all better. That's not a friend. She cares more about herself and her fun than being there for a friend. You'll get back to feeling yourself again but armed with the knowledge of who truly loves you and who you can lean on. It really feels so much more rewarding when you understand how deep a friendship can go rather than having 100s of people who just like your funny side.
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Post by 1234 on Aug 19, 2011 8:57:17 GMT -5
Jenaya, you said just what I was going to say. I'll just say "amen"! Hang in there, Jess.
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Post by JC on Sept 30, 2011 8:51:50 GMT -5
Oh guess who is begging me to tutor them in neurophysiology? My sh*tty friend that ditched me when I got sick.
Karma's a bitch.
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Post by 1234 on Sept 30, 2011 9:27:22 GMT -5
good lord. What a selfish, unaware person. What did you respond?
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Post by JC on Sept 30, 2011 10:06:35 GMT -5
I told her I was too busy. In my defense, it's actually very true. However, if she were a really good friend (like the kid that visited me in the hospital) I would have gone out of my way to help. OH WELL! BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA sucker!
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Post by JC on Sept 30, 2011 10:08:35 GMT -5
You know what I should do? Say, "Oh yeah I meet you in the library at 5." Then just disappear for 3 months. That's what she did to me. She promised to visit me in the hospital and I didn't hear from her for a couple months. Then randomly she popped up saying, "Hey all better now?"
OH well! HAHA whatever! Funny how things come around to bite ya!
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Post by hellsbells on Sept 30, 2011 10:59:41 GMT -5
Yep, karma's a bitch alright! You owe her NOTHING!! Unless she's willing to pay?? Lol x
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Post by 1234 on Sept 30, 2011 11:14:21 GMT -5
The funny thing is, I bet she's too self-involved to get the point. Glad you got the chance to make it though!
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Post by Karen on Sept 30, 2011 17:39:58 GMT -5
I'm sorry she's such a sh*t friend, but I'm glad you aren't wasting any more time on her!
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Post by jessabug on Oct 1, 2011 13:36:46 GMT -5
URGH! I think you should just ignore her...
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