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Post by jessabug on Aug 13, 2011 15:27:35 GMT -5
lol I could sue her for emotional duress? HA... I wish!! Yeah, she seems to want to drag this out as long as possible. f**king weirdo. I devised a letter that I would like to send if I don't hear from her come monday that will end like this (after I call her out): "If you continue with this charade, you are VERY likely to find yourself with a roommate you've never met, and even more likely to find yourself without a new roommate at all before the beginning of the school year. I don't think you want to risk that, because I can assure you that if you do NOT find someone to replace me, I will NOT be moving out, and if it's you we have to thank for that, I am not going to be happy and I am not going to put forth an effort to make our home a pleasant one."
Thoughts?
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Post by jessabug on Aug 13, 2011 15:30:05 GMT -5
Keep in mind that I haven't heard from her for 5 days despite my attempts to contact her, and she knows I needed an immediate response to the last letter I sent, and that I'm screwed out of yet another potential living situation of she doesn't get back to me before tuesday. That's why I'm planning on sending her a howler monday afternoon if I still haven't heard from her. At that point, I will have spent two weeks playing nice with her and allowing her to disrespect and disregard me.
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 13, 2011 15:39:09 GMT -5
Right, so, unless she signs you out of the lease, you have an obligation to pay the rent, whether you live there or not? Have I understood that right? Can you get away with finding someone and presenting her with a fait accompli?
Do it. Make it perfectly clear that you will make her life a living hell if she doesn't sort herself out and find someone to replace you in the house.
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Post by Karen on Aug 13, 2011 16:09:03 GMT -5
Can you find someone to replace HER instead? That way she doesn't have to like the person, but she has to find her own housing. I'm sure she'd still have to sign off on it, but might take some of the struggle away...
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Post by jessabug on Aug 14, 2011 1:05:53 GMT -5
Sadly, nope, everyyyything in the apartment is hers except for what's in my room so really it doesn't make sense to force her to go lol. This has been her place for 3 years... and of course, even though I'm a joint tenant on the lease, she made it quite clear to me that I was inferior when it came to all things apartment-related.. until I read the lease last week and realize that it's just as much my place as it is her. Gotta love learning to really take seriously your legal documents.. Valuable experiences to be had in your early 20's! I'm a little optimistic now though, because the girl that came by today to see the apartment was super cool and really pretty. Tonight I just saw that they are fb friends now -- I gave the gal Cait's contact info when she left. There are so many girls I've sent her direction, and it grinds on my last nerve, but she is so superficial I'm not surprised that this is the first and only girl she's chosen to interact with -- she sees her fb picture, sees that she's beautiful and polished and fancy, and oh, okay, I'll talk to this girl. So sad to me sometimes how often people judge a book by its cover, especially at my age.
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 14, 2011 5:06:15 GMT -5
Tis sad that that's the only reason she's bothering now. Hopefully you're sorted and cut the callous off!
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Post by alivenkicking on Aug 14, 2011 9:35:18 GMT -5
ENERGY VAMPIRE!!!!! that suuuucks. i'm sure she is hurt and trying to punish you, that is clear. and i'm thinking if she knows you, she might not put a lot of stock into you threatening her with a miserable life. not to mention it's signing yourself up for a miserable year! i would move on this quick-like: just assume it's all grand with this new girl, and start making your own plans. act confidently and polite, as you've done thus far, and tell her you will be out on x date, mail her the papers CERTIFIED MAIL so she has to sign for it and can't say she didn't get them, and let your leasing office know that you have to move due to your health (less likely to give you crap or ask questions), you've found several people to take over your part of the lease, you've sent papers to other tenant but she is out of town. get the new girl as lined up as possible, show her the lease, talk about whatever positive things you can say about old roomie and take advantage of the fact that caitlin is superficial and will want to put on a good front to this new sassyfrass gal. a little manipulative and not the route i would generally want to take, but you must get out of this situation! she is toxic and bad for your health! think of her as SOY -- it's bad for you and you must steer clear!
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Post by jessabug on Aug 14, 2011 11:56:21 GMT -5
lol, you're exactly right. my mom too has her suspicions that she's trying to punish me because she's hurt. unfortunately, because we are joint tenants on the lease, EVERYONE has to sign off on things - so she HAS to approve the new roommate. I can't just shove one in her face. And the thing is, I'm hoping she DOES put stock in me threatening her with a miserable life. I'm a pretty difficult person to push to the point of anger.. in fact she's never seen me angry. To be honest, I think she seems to be under the impression that she's the dominant one in this situation, at least right now especially. By ignoring me, she maintains control and keeps herself with the upperhand. If I talk to her in a way that I've never talked to her before, I think it will scare her sh*tless. The weird thing about this girl is that she has the capacity to be a manipulative bitch, but she's also a big baby, and when people hate her it freaks her out and she gets really insecure. I made the mistake of being too kind to her throughout this whole thing, and allowing her to think that I wanted to stay friendly with each other (because I did.. I mean, I kind of wasn't expecting her to be so immature that she'd make me regret that decision). She's now taking advantage of that and I'm realizing she needs to know how serious I am and how much I dislike her, which is why I feel like it's come to a point where I need to bring out the big guns and rip her a new one. I think it would shock her, since she's never heard or seen me so angry in all of our friendship. And I'm HOPING that it will rattle her enough to make her realize that she's NOT boss in this situation, and if she f**ks with me she's really just screwing herself.
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 14, 2011 12:09:26 GMT -5
Yep, be stern with her and shock her into realisation!
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Post by jessabug on Aug 15, 2011 19:54:48 GMT -5
Welllllll I sent her quite the howler just now. I'm finally up to my eyeballs with being ignored by her. She's even ignoring my texts now, too. Clearly I need to make it clear to her that I hate her guts and don't want anything to do with her. I feel so sh*tty after sending her that angry letter because I've never had to do something like that before.. but like, what else was I supposed to do? I've tried everything else and I think I've been very fair and patient and kind to her but the truth is it's pretty damn f**ked up that she's doing this to me ESPECIALLY when she knows that I have enough on my plate already right now I don't know girls.. I've always been the nice one, never able to say something unkind to somebody... I feel so wrong for being so straightforwardly unpleasant towards her. I even said "You've tried my patience. I am sick and tired of the way you've been handling this situation, and I'm sick and tired of you period." I've never talked like that to anybody other than my mother when I was a preteen (shame on me) and various exes. I feel terrible I don't know if I did the right thing..
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Post by 1234 on Aug 15, 2011 22:27:58 GMT -5
I'm sorry for all of this Jess. I think honesty is always kinder. I hope she responds to you, and you can move on from this to find a new place to live for this year. Hope she gets back to you soon--I know the waiting must be really tough!
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Post by painttheseconds on Aug 16, 2011 0:06:17 GMT -5
Ugh Jess. I wish you didn't have to deal with all of this. It sounds like such an incredible frustrating situation. I hope everything gets figured out.
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Post by jessabug on Aug 16, 2011 1:37:58 GMT -5
Thanks Nicolle and myrtle, she wrote me back a bit ago finally, and claimed of course that she wasn't doing anything intentionally (uhh, I'd call ignoring someone pretty damn intentional) and that the reason she hadn't answered my messages is because said in her last message that she would get back to me when she had new information, and she didn't have any new information. Pretty pathetic and immature excuse when it's obvious that I was trying to talk to her about important things and I needed her to respond. She makes me so mad. I'm sorry to be going on and on about all of this but I swear you girls are my lifeline sometimes, just when I think I'm going to lose it you girls make me feel better. I'm not very well-equipped to handle stress of this magnitude, I feel like there is so much going on right now that is out of my control and I just don't know how to handle it. This thing with her, the fact that my pain has creeped back, and the fact that I'm on pins & needles waiting for a response from Dr. Redwine that should come this week.. it's all just a little bit too much for me to handle it seems!
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Post by JC on Aug 16, 2011 5:24:43 GMT -5
It sucks that it had to get this far with her. When I was dealing with my sh*tty friend I got to that point to where I just lost it and started saying really insulting things. Sometimes when you let your anger and feelings get bottled up it will come out in the worst way. I think you have been so damn frustrated with her that it all just came out. At some point, flinging poo at each other becomes very destructive and that's the point at which you should walk away. The crappy part is that you can't! You're stuck with this girl until you get matters settled. Kinda sounds like a divorce. LOL Hang in there Jess! It will be over at some point and you'll look back and be so happy you're rid of someone that drains the life out of you. In the mean time, maybe find a good outlet to get your anger out, like posting here! ;D
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Post by jessabug on Aug 16, 2011 12:11:36 GMT -5
Yeah, I haven't said SUPER insulting things (like I'm really careful not to let myself get into name calling, etc.) but I certainly did let her know that I think she's manipulative and vindictive and passive aggressive lol. And YES, usually walking away is EXACTLY what I do! That's why I never say angry things to people! Usually I make myself walk away before I lose my temper, but I caaaannnntttt RAWWWRRRR I HAAAATEEEE HERRR!!!! Ooh you're right.. this is a good outlet.
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