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Post by JC on Jul 27, 2011 11:53:34 GMT -5
It's funny reading through this old thread. I still don't talk to that terrible girl. I think your problem with your friend is very different from my original post. My problems with my "friend" were not endo related whereas your problem IS endo related. I haven't lost friends from dealing with endo because my endo has been relatively easy to manage. But I have lost friends for other health problems and it hurts a lot. It doesn't make any sense why someone you thought cared would turn their back on you when you are at your worst. I had a thought yesterday that I have hundreds of friends as long as I'm keeping them laughing but the second I need to cry suddenly I only need one hand to count the number of friends I have. It has definitely made me appreciate my real friends even more though and I try to focus my attention on them rather than dwell on the people to ran the other direction when I got sick. I have gotten to the point where I don't even talk about my health problems anymore with anyone but my closest friends. I hate that awkward reaction I get from people when they don't know what to say. I just avoid it all together. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is understanding. That really does make all the world of a difference.
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Post by jessabug on Jul 27, 2011 12:56:25 GMT -5
Isn't it just so messed up how people can act sometimes? I think I've decided that this whole thing is both a blessing and a curse -- it can really hurt to discover that your friends are only your friends when they need something from you, but the silver lining I think is that at least you discover who your real friends are when you see who's still standing there after you've had a breakdown over it all. For me, that's three people. But even still I don't really complain to them about it, because I feel like endo (at least for my case) is something that takes a lot of explaining, and I don't know many 18-21 year olds with the patience to listen to that and I don't want to wear out the few friends I still have left standing! Thanks for writing back, I had kind of gotten past the frustration I felt when I first joined and wrote that post, but it's nice to hear from somebody on the subject
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Post by cloudyrain on Jul 27, 2011 14:59:08 GMT -5
I agree with Jenaya, I lost a lot of "friends" in the past related to other issues, and now I don't have loads, but they are all people that I can say "I need to cry because I bled through to my jeans" etc! I find it very easy to be social and am one of those people that "knows" everybody, but only a few actually know me, and I like it that way. I find it easy to share on here, but in the real world it can be difficult, and I have been bitten a few too many times, so other than a select few I keep my trap shut.
I think the thing with lady belly problems like endo is that most women have periods, and most have had some bad ones, but they don't always get just how bad it is to have it all the time, or to bleed so bad you have to sit on the loo just because there is no point in getting off it. In a way that's a good thing, because it's bad enough that we have to suffer like this without everyone else jumping on the bandwagon! ;D xxxx
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Post by tigergirl10 on Jul 27, 2011 21:54:08 GMT -5
I am dealing with that myself. I had would of should of been a minor thing with a "friend". I been knowing her since I was 9 years old but rarely talk to her much anymore. Well the disagreement was blown out the water. To pure drama on a high school level. She posted on a public post on facebook about me once having a colostomy bag (had to live with one for 8 months as my endo was so severe.) tagged me in the post, completly humilating me. reported to facebook, post was never removed. And I blocked her from my page and told her to stay out of my life. but the drama still has never stopped. and she has complete strangers snickering and bashing me, edging her on. We are in our 30's and this is so childish.
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Post by jessabug on Jul 27, 2011 23:58:13 GMT -5
Oh my GOD, that is so messed up. I am so sorry!! Wow, I really want to just come find this girl and punch her face off!! What kind of sick person does something like that? How is it that she is still not out of your life completely?
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Post by jessabug on Jul 28, 2011 1:04:53 GMT -5
OMGOMGOMG! Look what I found! So, I was googling my little heart out tonight and typed in "endometriosis understanding" and a blog popped up. One of the articles was about friends! I think she talks about the issue so well and it was really helpful for me to read. This is what she said: Seven years ago, my mother had a stroke. Up until then, she was a vibrant, active, dynamic woman on the go. She and her many friends went on shopping excursions and had lunch together at least once a week. After her stroke, at the time she needed them the most, her long-time friends became strangers. Naturally, she was hurt by their sudden departure from her life. It seemed so unfair – to endure a life-altering medical condition and lose her friends all at the same time. When medical problems cause dramatic changes in our lives, our friendships often go through dramatic transitions as well. Friends might withdraw, seem unsympathetic, or deny what’s happening to you. Some might try to put a “happy face” on the situation by trying to cheer you up or repeatedly telling you “it could be worse” or encouraging you to “look on the bright side.” While some friends may be overly protective, others might avoid you altogether. It’s confusing and frustrating. But it helps to understand that the things your friends say and do may not reflect their true feelings. Inside, they might be worried, scared, and upset by the changes they see in you. But often, they won’t tell you how they really feel. Real friendship is worth preserving: Talk openly to your friends about what’s going on and how you’re feeling. Explain the ways in which your life is different now. Tell them what you are and aren’t able to do. Maybe you can’t go shopping for six hours, but you can go for an hour on your good days. True friends usually have the capacity for understanding. If they truly care, they can make accommodations for your modified lifestyle. It’s a sad fact, but there are some people in this world who simply aren’t capable of dealing with difficult challenges. They’re what my mother calls “fair weather friends.” Despite honest and open communication on your part, some people still cannot (or will not) empathise or understand. They may react negatively when you can’t do the things you used to do. They may even try to make you feel guilty, as though endometriosis is your fault. Some people may even question your limitations, believing instead that you’re exaggerating or making it up for attention. These types of acquaintances will eventually undermine your health, your self-image, and your well-being. It may be in your best interest to re-evaluate your relationships with “fair weather” friends who doubt your honesty. how cool right?! Written by Ellen T. Johnson at Endometriosis.org
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Post by JC on Jul 28, 2011 11:19:50 GMT -5
Wow that was nice. I liked that.
And Tiger Girl, I can't even fathom why someone would do that. I think if anything, all she did was make herself look like a completely heartless bitch.
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Post by hellsbells on Jul 28, 2011 13:07:23 GMT -5
Tiger - well rid!! And jess thanks for that it was great!
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Post by JC on Jul 29, 2011 8:22:41 GMT -5
Funny this thread came up. One of my sh*tty friends that ditched out as soon as I got sick randomly texted me today. She said in her text, "hey there. I bet you're all recovered and back on your feet again huh?" WTF? So when you "think" I'm all better you're suddenly my friend again? I actually was dumb enough to reply back and tell her the truth, that I have been really sick and having a hard time. Believe it or not, she actually stopped texting me when I told her I was still sick. That really pissed me off. I seriously want her out of my life.
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Post by 1234 on Jul 29, 2011 8:29:19 GMT -5
That's so completely sh*tty. I'm sorry, Jenaya.
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Post by hellsbells on Jul 29, 2011 11:46:21 GMT -5
Pants. Those kind of people suck the life out of you.
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Post by jessabug on Jul 29, 2011 12:08:11 GMT -5
WOW, that's iiterally EXACTLY what my friends do. Stop texting them back. Stop interacting with them entirely. They don't deserve for you to even so much give them the time of day. It's amazing how self-absorbed some people can be. Sometimes I wonder if the reason they act that way is because they're afraid that if they do actually act like your friend and be there for you it will become all about you, and they can't stomach that because they're so used to it being all about them. Pieces of shiza..
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Post by gemstone on Jul 29, 2011 12:26:59 GMT -5
These 'friends' seriously suck balls! Pact to get rid of all the bad girls (and guys if you have any) from our lives??
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Post by hellsbells on Jul 29, 2011 12:41:54 GMT -5
Already working on it!
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Post by JC on Jul 29, 2011 17:21:09 GMT -5
YES definitely. I am so sick of it. I am so mad at this girl. I have a freaking class with her next semester and I really am dreading running into her. I really valued this girl as a good friend but I should have known better. She's MUCH younger than I am and obviously very selfish. I'm just going to focus on the real friends I know I have and just forget trying to make new ones out here. And I know I'll always have my endo girls.
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