Post by JC on Mar 19, 2010 9:17:54 GMT -5
I think we've all been there with a friend that just really grinds on your last nerve. I am a very very very tolerant person, and I've been putting up with my friend's crap for quite some time now. But recently, she really really really pissed me the hell off. I don't know if I just need to vent, but all advice is appreciated.
So to give some background, we've been friends for 14 years, best friends for about 10. She was the sweetest girl and she was always excited to run around on my crazy adventures and try new things. We were such best friends that she was even the maid of honor in my wedding!
About 5-6 years ago she started to change. She began to get really argumentive, defensive, hateful, judgemental, and just flat out rude to other people. She suddenly went from the "go with the flow" girl to the "raging b*tch with an opinion about everything" girl. I would take her with me everywhere only to have my other friends just hate her. I didn't really see it at first because we had been friends for so long.
To fast forward a little, planning my wedding was an absolute nightmare. She messed up EVERYTHING she got her hands on, she refused to wear the dress I wanted her to wear, she refused to do her hair any other way than what SHE wanted. Everything was her way only and nothing else. I felt like it was more HER wedding than mine! Not to mentioned she offended and pissed off just about every one of my family members at the wedding. (long story)
So to fast forward to last week: I decided to confide in a mutual friend of ours about how I am having such a hard time being friends with her and how every conversation we have turns into a debate, argument, or a huge fight. I said, she has grown into such an awful person, I just don't want to be friends with her anymore but I feel this sense of loyalty toward her because we have been friends for SO LONG.
Well apparently our mutual friend has come to realization that she can't be friends with her long before I ever brought it up. She also said that out of our friend circle, I'm the last one left to even try with her. She has left this long trail of broken frienships.
On a side note, I started to realize that I kinda knew a lot of personal stuff about this mutual friend of ours because my sh*t friend has told me a lot of her secrets. Then I had an OH SH*T moment when I realized, "well if she's telling me HER secrets, then she's probably telling MY secrets to her!"
So I decided to ask her if she ever talked about me. To make a long story short, there is NOTHING private about my life. Everything, EVERYTHING!!!! Everything I confided in her in confidence she TOLD my business to her! But not only did she tell her everything, she has been trashing me and saying really mean and hurtful things in the process.
I'm extremely hurt. I'm really pissed and I'm hurt that I could trust someone so much, and try so hard to be a good friend only to have her treat me like this. Personally, I think she's insecure and immature and needs to put down other people to make herself feel better.
Here's my dilemma: I don't know whether to confront her about this or just slowly disappear. We live in separate states, if I just stop talking to her, eventually she'll get the hint. But a big part of me just wants to tell her off! I feel like she needs to hear that what she has done is so wrong! The only problem I have with doing that is I know she'll either turn it into a debate, try to make excuses, or just say she has no time for such small things in her life and just cast me off. Either way, I'm SOOOOO not motivated to hear it.
How could someone be so terrible???
So to give some background, we've been friends for 14 years, best friends for about 10. She was the sweetest girl and she was always excited to run around on my crazy adventures and try new things. We were such best friends that she was even the maid of honor in my wedding!
About 5-6 years ago she started to change. She began to get really argumentive, defensive, hateful, judgemental, and just flat out rude to other people. She suddenly went from the "go with the flow" girl to the "raging b*tch with an opinion about everything" girl. I would take her with me everywhere only to have my other friends just hate her. I didn't really see it at first because we had been friends for so long.
To fast forward a little, planning my wedding was an absolute nightmare. She messed up EVERYTHING she got her hands on, she refused to wear the dress I wanted her to wear, she refused to do her hair any other way than what SHE wanted. Everything was her way only and nothing else. I felt like it was more HER wedding than mine! Not to mentioned she offended and pissed off just about every one of my family members at the wedding. (long story)
So to fast forward to last week: I decided to confide in a mutual friend of ours about how I am having such a hard time being friends with her and how every conversation we have turns into a debate, argument, or a huge fight. I said, she has grown into such an awful person, I just don't want to be friends with her anymore but I feel this sense of loyalty toward her because we have been friends for SO LONG.
Well apparently our mutual friend has come to realization that she can't be friends with her long before I ever brought it up. She also said that out of our friend circle, I'm the last one left to even try with her. She has left this long trail of broken frienships.
On a side note, I started to realize that I kinda knew a lot of personal stuff about this mutual friend of ours because my sh*t friend has told me a lot of her secrets. Then I had an OH SH*T moment when I realized, "well if she's telling me HER secrets, then she's probably telling MY secrets to her!"
So I decided to ask her if she ever talked about me. To make a long story short, there is NOTHING private about my life. Everything, EVERYTHING!!!! Everything I confided in her in confidence she TOLD my business to her! But not only did she tell her everything, she has been trashing me and saying really mean and hurtful things in the process.
I'm extremely hurt. I'm really pissed and I'm hurt that I could trust someone so much, and try so hard to be a good friend only to have her treat me like this. Personally, I think she's insecure and immature and needs to put down other people to make herself feel better.
Here's my dilemma: I don't know whether to confront her about this or just slowly disappear. We live in separate states, if I just stop talking to her, eventually she'll get the hint. But a big part of me just wants to tell her off! I feel like she needs to hear that what she has done is so wrong! The only problem I have with doing that is I know she'll either turn it into a debate, try to make excuses, or just say she has no time for such small things in her life and just cast me off. Either way, I'm SOOOOO not motivated to hear it.
How could someone be so terrible???