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Post by KSA on Aug 28, 2009 9:18:07 GMT -5
The past year has been a hard one for us. Multiple surgeries, finding out of my Endo, Er visits.... ALOT of stress over many medical issues can cause a marriage to start to fall apart. My husband and I are not any different than anyone else and this week he was awesome. He is a lawyer and is very busy works way too long and has many politcal and community obligations that I sometime feel I am on the bottom at his list. This week he showed me something I have not seen since before we were married. TIME it is nice to get gifts and flowers and he is always doing that for me but TIME is all I ever really want. He set aside a few hours this week to go to doctors appointments with me and this is very rare for him. He took me sat with me in the waiting area talked with both docs as to his concerns with my health. I know most women would look at my life and think I have it all based on my husbands job or the car I drive or the size of my ring. Its not about that EVER for me atleast. I love the fact that after everything him and I have been thru that he has realized that his TIME is worth more to me then anything else. A RAVE FOR ALL HUSBANDS THAT JUST TAKE TIME OUT FOR US:)
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Post by italialynn on Aug 28, 2009 9:22:54 GMT -5
Yay for caring hubby's!!!! The first few years of my illness were REALLY hard on us. He just didn't really know how to deal with it since he couldn't simply "fix" me. Mine has been absolutely amazing lately too. I couldn't get through everyday without him. He's my best friend and confidont. Glad to hear you guys had a good week!!!
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Post by JC on Aug 28, 2009 12:54:46 GMT -5
Good for you guys! Keri, I'm so glad he put aside time for you. That's really awesome and I know it means a lot.
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Post by lreider on Aug 30, 2009 12:03:13 GMT -5
Thats great Keri! I dont know what I would do if my husband wasnt as understanding as he is... I am glad he made you so happy
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osb
Junior Member
Posts: 72
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Post by osb on Aug 30, 2009 17:10:17 GMT -5
That's really sweet. One small moment of support is better than a cartload of flowers.
My husband has been really supportive re the endo, but the infertility thing really staggered him. The other day - out of the blue - he told me one of his colleagues at work disclosed to him (...night shifts, people start unloading all kinds of things on each other at 3am...) that she has severe endo. Apparently his colleague basically stayed out of relationships all her life because she didn't want to explain to anyone why she can't have kids. Asked if he mentioned anything about his wife having the same issue.... Hubby got real small, and said quietly "I can't talk about that with anyone"; then he slipped out of the room.
Wish there was something I could do to be supportive... other than just be there, I guess.
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Post by KSA on Aug 30, 2009 20:11:29 GMT -5
Its hard on them too. My husband is silent about my infertility. I have a son from a previous marriage and my husband is a great step-dad but I know he wanted us to have our own child. A year ago we figured we would be adopting so we have that to look forward to once my health is better. I know he hurts I try very hard to let him know how important he is to me and how much I appericiate all he does for my son. We started to see a therapist and I think it helps. He is not one for talking to much about the way he feels but he is coming around to it more. They need TIME too:) with all of our pain its sometimes hard to give it to them but just a few minutes a day can make them happy it does not take much:)
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Post by shortieblatt on Aug 30, 2009 21:20:25 GMT -5
Yeah I dont know what I would do if my hubby wasnt so supportive. Yeah he has his time's where he doesnt understand. But we just found out in July that I had endo and possible endo in May. Yeah I have been having health problems my whole life and alot of problems the WHOLE time 3 1/2 years that we have been together. But he is there for me. I would be lost without him too. But he cant have kids d/t having cancer when a kid so the radition treatments did him in. Of course we are still lucky that he can have a shot to fix his hormone level and have kids again. So we were looking into that since my insurance at the time covered 50% of the treatments and visits but then we both lost our jobs. So the timing just isnt right. I am more upset about not having kids then him but he has always known that the cancer has been stopping him. I am afraid that when we are finally fincially (wrong spelling i think) ready again or better with at lease 1 job it will be too late for me. I think it is funny when I go to the ER d/t pain or being sick since we found out that I have endo he will not leave my side not even to get food with my mom there or willing to come and sit with me so he can get food.
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Post by JC on Sept 1, 2009 17:57:53 GMT -5
hey Keri, have you ever read the book "The 5 love Languages?" You mention quality time a lot and it's one of the 5 love languages. It would make more sense if you've read it. I think it's, by far, the best marriage book I've ever read.
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Post by Karen on Sept 1, 2009 21:38:28 GMT -5
I just had a friend read that one, and she RAVED about it!
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Post by JC on Sept 2, 2009 4:43:05 GMT -5
^^ yeah seriously, it's the best!! I love it! I wish my freakin husband would read it now!
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Post by KSA on Sept 2, 2009 17:21:47 GMT -5
I will have to check that one out:) Thanks for the suggestion.
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Post by KSA on Aug 20, 2010 20:54:43 GMT -5
I guess it has been almost a year since I have raved about my husband! Well I have to do it again I should do it more often he really has turned around and supported me so much this year. He has been taking me to my appointments each week and when I was sick the last two days he took care of me as best he could while working. He sent his mom over to help me yesterday and although I gave him a hard time at first (I hate having people help me and see me sick) in the end I needed help and he knew that.
He is going to walk the Brooklyn Bridge with me in September and meet Cass with me too. Two things that he knows are important to me. We have been thru so much and I think most men would of already gotten rid of me but he is sticking around. School starts next week for Jacob and I can not ask for a better Step Dad for my son. He has taught him so much and one day I hope Jacob can be the man Seth is.
I think last year when I posted the first post was right after my iron infusion. I think that changed everything with us. It took him almost losing me to see how much he needed me. This year was suppose to be the easy year and everything we thought would calm down... Well it didnt go like that but you know it does'nt matter anymore we made it thru it all and can look back and know we did it together. So again A RAVE for a great husband! Its taken alot to get him like this but he is doing a amazing job!
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Post by hellsbells on Aug 21, 2010 5:23:12 GMT -5
:-)
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Post by omaklackey on Aug 21, 2010 11:31:48 GMT -5
awesome Keri! Adversity can build us up or pull us apart I'm so glad its the first for you. I know my hubby and I have had some rotten times this last year with a huge paycut and my health bills to pay for. BUT a rave for Him; he put aside everything the last six months and became Mr. MOM so I could go to school and have time to study. He learned to cook and learned to make it fun for himself by going online and getting new recipes. He took over the homeschooling for me, and even attempted to "clean" man style the house when he could, all while trying to pick up as much over time as he dared to help cover the long list of medical bills. We are going to pay off our last one today and it feels good. Good hubby's are priceless!! Thanks to all those hubbies!
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Post by helinor on Aug 24, 2010 7:02:40 GMT -5
The 5 Love Languages is amazing for helping a relationship, it has been brilliant for us.
I think the best advice I have ever had is to make your husband/partner feel like your hero. Even if it's hard to say you've gotta do it, even if it's a bit of an exageration(sp?!) ie Adam is nuts about fishing and bought home two snapper tonight...I called him The Slayer and said the whole ocean better look out! His chest puffed right out, he was that stoked. And that seems to be all he needs. Yay for the supportive people in our lives. When I look at it I feel I'm actually incredibly lucky.
Cool that you're still going strong Keri. Sounds like you're pretty lucky too!
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